funny jokes, video etc

[pet]

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

[pet]

These two little boys are sitting in the living room, watching TV with their parents. The mother looks over at the father with a wink and a nod toward upstairs. The father “gets the message”, and they both get up and head towards the stairs.

The mother turns back to the two boys and says, “We’re going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV we’ll be right back, Ok?”

The two boys nod ‘OK’, and the parents take off upstairs.

he eldest of the two boys is old enough to know what’s going on now, and he gets up and tiptoes upstairs. At the top of the stairs, he peeks into his mom and dad’s bedroom and just shakes his head.

Back downstairs he goes back to his little brother. “Come with me”, he says.

And the two little boys tiptoe up the stairs.

Halfway up, the older brother turns to his brother and says, “Now I want you to keep in mind, this is the same woman who used to bust our asses for sucking our thumbs…”

[pet]

'The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China .

If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.

If we buy a computer it will go to India .

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .

If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany .

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.''

--------------------------------------

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia .
At the end of the trip, the Russian leader tells the African that in Russia they have a custom performed at farewells called "Russian Roulette" to demonstrate one's courage.
The Russian whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger.
- CLICK - empty chamber.
He hands the revolver to his African guest, and says, "Your turn."
Not to be outdone, the African repeats the ritual - CLICK - empty.
The next year, the Russian visits the African country.
At the end of the trip, the African tells his Russian peer that he was very impressed with "Russian Roulette" and that he has spent the last year devising an African ritual to demonstrate one's courage.
The African then disappears through a door only to reappear a few moments later smiling, and says, "Your turn."
The African escorts the Russian through the door.
In the room are six of the most beautiful, naked women he has ever seen.
The African explains that he is to choose one of the women, who will perform oral sex on him.
Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asks, "What kind of test of courage is this?"
The African calmly answers, "One of them is a cannibal."

[louisoh]

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.

"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

this is good..

[pet]

A guy is out with buddies and has a few drinks and is feeling horny but true to his wife, goes home. He finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open, so he gets two aspirin and drops them in her mouth.

She starts to choke, but recovers and asks, "What the hell did you put in my mouth?"

He says, "Two aspirin."

She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!"

He says, "That's all I wanted to hear."

---------------------

Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.

Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

[Sinner]

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.

"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

[pet]

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.

"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

[pet]

It's 2022 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. The first thing they see is a Martian couple. Mike and Maureen naturally want to know how they have sex. She goes straight to the point: "So how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Like you do, I think," says the male Martian, "but maybe we'd better check it out to be sure!" So, after some discussion, they all agree to swap partners for one night.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a tiny penis about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen, disappointed beyond belief. The male Martian looks puzzled. "Why not?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "it's just not long enough to go inside me!"

"No problem," he says, and starts to slap his forehead with his hand. With each slap, his cock grows till it's actually pretty long. "Well," she says, "that's very impressive, but it's still quite narrow...." "No problem," says the male Martian, and he starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his cock grows wider and wider until it's huge! "Wow!" shouts Maureen, before they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.

Next day the two couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike says to Maureen, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," replies Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," says Mike, "all I got was a terrible headache. She just kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

[pet]

[BigBlueBird]

This an interesting pic



No wonder they are so randy

[Oceanklassik]

WHY are men always happier?

Men are just happier people:

Your last name stays put
The garage is all yours
Wedding plans take care of themselves
Chocolate is just another snack
You can be President, and can never get pregnant
You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park
You can also wear NO shirt to a water park
Car mechanics often tell you the truth
The world is your urinal
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt
Same work, more pay
Wrinkles add character
Wedding dress=$5,000; tux rental=$100
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
One mood all the time
Phone conversations are over in 30sec
You know stuff about tanks
A 5-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase
You can open all your own jars
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
If someone forgets to invite you, he/she can still be your friend
Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3-pack
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough
You almost never have strap problems in public
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes
Everything on your face stays its original color
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
You only have to shave your face and neck
You can play with toys all your life
One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier..

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it!!!

[RTS]

Darkie is applying for a cashier job at a new joint. Louis the boss came across his resume and check his ref with his previous emplyer.
previous employer commented tht darkie always late for work, stole money from the register and he's gay.

louis call darkie in... and said
" i am going to gv u a chance... i expect no non sense frm u"
"do not come late, do not take money frm the cash box... u understand ? "
darkie: " yes sir ... thnk u thnk u...."
louis: " okie, good... now gv me a kiss and get to work "

really, one arrow kills 2 birds.. POWDERFUL!

[louisoh]

A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses.

She says, Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

He says, 'Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, 'That's a two metre Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 5-kg. test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this Week for $44.'

She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!'

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the

floor.'Oh, That sounds like a Visa card, says the salesman.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.

The salesman rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $58.50 please.'

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

'Didn't You tell me it was on sale for $44? How did you get to $58.50?'

'The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50.'

[pet]

Darkie is applying for a cashier job at a new joint. Louis the boss came across his resume and check his ref with his previous emplyer.
previous employer commented tht darkie always late for work, stole money from the register and he's gay.

louis call darkie in... and said
" i am going to gv u a chance... i expect no non sense frm u"
"do not come late, do not take money frm the cash box... u understand ? "
darkie: " yes sir ... thnk u thnk u...."
louis: " okie, good... now gv me a kiss and get to work "

[pet]

PAP= Pay And Pay
WP= Why Pay ?
SDP= So Dont Pay